Say More

explained

This article would be a lot more moving if I was still pining over the man who the song is about, but fortunately for me and very unfortunately for my art I met someone else and now I don’t care about this at all.

That’s actually quite annoying because I spent most of February and all of March fantasizing about what I would write in this article and then send to the guy, Biochemistry Guy, and how I would thereby get to have a sort of sick pseudo-conversation with him where I would say everything I was too much of a pussy to express when he was breaking up with me. I literally cannot tell you how many times I would lie awake at night thinking about this. It was awful. I was so tired all the time because of this. On March 9 I was so tired I slept through my alarm and 3 phone calls from my boss and was an hour late for work. And now I am finally writing the stupid article and I don’t even care. What the fuck. Not that I’m complaining. I am admittedly really happy¹ and feel disconnected from all the emo bullshit I’ve been posting on this Substack over the last few months. That wasn’t me that was Frances Vangård, who is a character I use to advertise my music and not actually me.

For a while Frances and I were the same, because I really was miserable. Now I am kind of disingenuously posting sadcore TikToks so sad girls will still listen to my whiny bullshit.²

Anyway, the context of this song is that from November 4 - February 9 I was involved with a guy who I really liked, who I thought things were going very well with, until he suddenly realized that he was going to graduate from undergrad and be very busy and also broke in grad school and “c[ould]n’t put [me] through that”. He framed it very altruistically as if he was doing me a favour by letting me go, which I vehemently disagreed with at the time. I was expecting to talk in this article about how he is not doing me a favour because I will suffer anyway because I miss him so much and I only meet someone who I really like every four years or so, but I have been swiftly proven wrong, thank God.

Things are going so well now that I actually feel really stupid for thinking things were going well with Biochemistry Guy. Things with Biochemistry Guy were going okay at best. They were going not that bad. Wulfric treated me so badly that my perception of things going well is permanently fucked. I am not going to digress about how things are so good with the new guy because it is embarrassing and I will jinx it and if he reads this I will kill myself, but I’m tempted to because it is all just so moving and profound to me.

Oh my God anyway here’s a breakdown of the song:

Well by now You’re checked out When in doubt Run home Go be alone Run home

There are 2 main themes to this part: one is him being “checked out” in the sense that he seemed very detached when he was breaking up with me. I would have tried to argue with him about it but didn’t bother because his mind seemed very made up and I was so sure he had already checked out of the relationship that there was no point trying to get him back.³ The other theme is the concept that him going home was continually a problem. I could not get this guy to sleep over. He slept at my apartment twice in 3 months. I think that is really bad. It bothered me a lot that he would fuck me and then just go home. I should have refused to have sex with him unless he stayed with me but I have no self respect and didn’t think of that. Normally I would perceive this as fuckboy behaviour, but in his case I just saw it as childish which is not better.⁴

Well bye now It’s been swell I’d buy but I can’t sell I’d beg but I can tell That you’re checked out I know you have your doubts

I don’t know bro the lyrics of this song are nonsense I never actually sat down and wrote lyrics for this I just recorded the music and then sang whatever. I hate this song I made it like this because 1) Biochemistry Guy thinks music is boring⁵ so I tried to make it more impactful than just a piano or acoustic guitar and 2) when I sent “Is She The One” to Wulfric he replied “where the beat drop is??” which for some reason I took to heart and tried to make a song that would have a beat drop. That’s how I ended up with this electro-overprocessed bullshit that I am not especially proud of but had to include because I embarrassingly worked extremely hard on it.

I guess what’s important here is the concept that I would buy (I wanted him) but I can’t sell (I couldn't make him want me) which is self explanatory anyway.

Should I say more Should I implore Should I act like I don’t want more Should I lie Next time

This is in direct reference to the episode of him breaking up with me where I did not attempt to argue with him. While I stand by the interpretation that it would not have worked, I am generally in favour of speaking your mind when someone is leaving you because the feeling of having left things unsaid with someone you can never talk to again is insanely grating. Again, when I was thinking about writing this article I planned on writing all these things I felt I needed to say but now I don’t even know what they were other than that him expressing discomfort that I generally had to pay for him when we went on dates and would for the foreseeable future continue to do so is deeply misogynistic which is rich coming from him when he presented himself as such a feminist. I can’t believe the patriarchy betrayed me.

Well by now You found a new one What’s that sound Look around

I saw you with her It gives me a fever Will it be so easy for you to leave her? I have no doubt

This verse is kind of schizophrenic and might be about a stranger who just looked like Biochemistry Guy who I saw at the Bloor/Yonge Cafe Landwer on February 17 around 3pm with a woman. I almost went inside to find out if it was him or not but that would have been literally insane so I had to abstain.⁶

The funniest part of this to me is “what’s that sound” because it has nothing to do with anything. What the sound was was the sound of my wifi adaptor connecting and disconnecting from/to my computer over and over and I kind of sang what’s that sound and then I put it in the song to whatever represent like the feeling of disassociation and schizophrenia when I couldn’t tell if I was hallucinating that the guy at Cafe Landwer was Biochemistry Guy or not. This is mildly relevant to him because I was seeing him when I got that wifi adapter and talked to him about it.

Should I say more Should I implore Should I act like I don’t want more Should I lie Next time Should I say more

I want to mention pretty much just for the sake of being mean that everyone I know who met him thought he was retarded.

As in sub 60 IQ, Frances should be arrested for fucking him because he couldn’t consent to sex retarded. This is obviously not the case literally, but it is comforting to think. He has a sub 60 IQ the same way Sheldon Cooper has a sub 60 IQ. It helps me to frame certain moments in the context of him just being too retarded to respond to them adequately instead of believing he didn’t care enough to respond adequately.

For example, I told him I would miss him so much and he said “thank you”.

Explanations:

• he consciously knew he would not miss me but was too polite to say so ❌

• he gave so little of a fuck that the concept of missing me would not cross his mind even in direct parallel to me saying I would miss him ❌

• sub 60 IQ ✔️

I mentioned hating this song but I also really dislike the other song about him, “Saints”. My songs about Wulfric mog the shit out of my songs about Biochemistry Guy. If he wanted good songs he should have been less retarded and more demonic.

Part of the reason I dislike “Say More” is because I tried to make it more fast paced and electronic because that’s the kind of shit Biochemistry Guy liked and I wanted him to like the song, which is gay and sucks because I am not even going to send it to him anymore and now I don’t like it. Whatever. It was experimental and the conclusion of the experiment was don’t do that.

1. I worry it seems like I need a man to make me happy but that’s not the case it’s just that I value my romantic relationships so much that I get severely depressed for a long time when they end. I would eventually become happy again by myself, but a way to shortcut this is to meet someone else which in this case is what happened.

2. 80% of my followers are men I am actually not a talented musician I just have a fuckable face and men follow me because they like how I look

3. relationship as in association; romantically it was a situationship at best

4. he is 21 which is pretty young for me however when I was 21 I was dating an older man with his own place and I slept there all the time this is no excuse

5. why would I want to date him I might have been blinded by him just being a really good kisser (not as good as Wulfric fuck you)

6. I recently saw a note asking if it is gay to rhyme in prose and it definitely is